6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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