You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
