I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
