I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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