Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
