She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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