I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
