When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
