if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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