What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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