My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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