i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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