you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
