Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
