lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
