woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize