I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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