what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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