GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
