If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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