you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
