well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
