My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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