I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
