I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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