his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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