I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
please don't ironically join a cult
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