He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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