She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
