I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
