Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
