I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
