just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
