Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
