JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
