Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
