That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
