1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
