When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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