I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
