I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
