Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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