Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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