i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize