Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
