This girl is more easily done than said...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
