Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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