If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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