haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
