the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
