He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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