My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wear drunk well.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
