Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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