i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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