Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
