Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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