I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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