I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
