I cockslap morals
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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