i need an iv and a liver transplant
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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