she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
